Last week I take the little boys to Burger King. I realize I've forgotten the napkins, so I get up to get some. I am gone .00025 of a second. I get back and Declan is on his stomach, sliding up and down the plastic bench. "Whatcha doing?" I ask, my heart somewhat filled with dread.

"Oh. I'm drying the bench."

"Drying it?"

"Yeah, Collin spit on it, so I had to dry it off."

And didn't I feel foolish, standing there with a handful of napkins.