You know what this is?

This is a kid who is as close to disobeying as he can possibly get without technically incurring a punishment.

At my older son's basketball game Declan kept begging to go out and play in the hallway. I repeatedly told him no. He said he was going to go out there anyway, no matter what I said. I told him he'd be in big trouble if he did.

So this is where he sat, for the whole game, with his back turned toward me for most of the time.

He put himself in the corner!

Earlier tonight, in Target....

Devin: "Mom, do you want a piece of gum?"

Me: "What flavor?"

Devin: (looks at package) "Natural and artificial flavor".

ever notice

If I am trying to get my children into bed, and it is 8:58, and I say "get into bed, it is 9:00" They will quickly correct me that it is NOT 9:00, it is ONLY 8:58.

And yet, this same child, when asked her age will round up as much as 9 months. She just turned 10 two weeks ago. By next month she'll be telling people she is 11.

Collin - standing in the pantry, "can I have a snack please"

Me- "Not right now, I am making dinner".

Collin (to himself) "I asked nicely, now it's time for plan B."

Me- "and no candy either!"

Collin- "But mom, that was plan B!"

Sorry, the video isn't working. I'll fix it later!

I am sitting on the couch with Declan (6). My daughter Regan (12) comes in to ask me a question about how to set up an account on line that she is trying to do. She tells me that she put all of her information in, but she can't find her user name.

Declan listens to all of this, and then asks, "Regan, what is your loser name?"

Overheard just now...

Declan, you are my servant. Make me something to eat. Cheese sandwich, please. No crust!

What? Where do you keep your broccoli?

We've been doing a lot of cleaning, getting ready for Christmas company. Collin dusted the whole house. With my make-up brushes. I'm not complaining!

My children were chosen to be narrators for our church Christmas program. Imagine how proud I was, when Lauren stood in front of a packed church, and announced in her sweet little voice, "The angel Gabriel came to tell a Virginian that she would conceive a child"

And from the Collin files:

"Mom! Why did you bring me a cheeseburger! I wanted chicken nuggets!"

"Well, then, you can have nothing."

"Mom! I ALREADY HAVE nothing!"

Last week I took the kids to a local amusement park for the day. You remember, the one I swore I'd never go back to last summer. As we were walking around, Declan (5) found a penny. My kids don't have a real concept of money. To them, finding a penny is something very valuable. (This works out nicely for allowances). We immediately had to find a body of water so the he could "Wish my coin". Shortly after this, Collin (5) found a penny. He gave it to me, to pay for lunch. Both boys willing to give away the treasure they had found. One for magic, and one to help.

Folk Songs

My 12 year old son was telling me about some songs he had learned for chorus this year. Yellow Submarine, Thriller, and "that really famous British folk song". What really famous folk song? I ask. "You know mom, that one about having to go to the bathroom". No, I really don't know. So he sings a little for me. I think you may be familiar with this tune. "Skip, skip, skip to the loo, My Darling."

So yesterday my 5 year old tells me "Go sit on the steps mom. Close your eyes, and hold out your hands, and I have a surprise for you!"

Trusting soul that I am, I go and sit on the steps, close my eyes and put my hands out. And wait. And wait some more. Then I start calling his name. No response. I finally get up and start looking for him, assuming he simply forgot to come back. Oh no, not Machiavelli Jr.

I say, "Declan, I've been waiting in the other room for my surprise. Did you forget?" Guilty look on his face; "No mom, I had to tell you that cause I knew you'd say no to the juice box".

He not only came up with a plan to get me out of the room, but with my eyes closed, waiting for him. There's one born every minute, apparently.

The Golden Rule

Sometimes I have to hide things. Lighters. Ginsu knives. Girl Scout cookies. But, every now and then, I will leave something lying around that I had intended to hide, but didn't get around to it yet. Yesterday Declan came to me with a box of Girl Scout cookies and asked if he could have one. "Oh no." I said. "Those are old and yucky. You can't eat those." I thought that was the end of it, until I heard banging noises coming from the garage. Declan was alternately jumping up and down on the box and hammering it. He is a big fan of the hammer, incidentally. Many items in our home have suffered his wrath. By this time Thor had demolished the cookies. This is what I get for not sharing!!

So thoughtful

Today Declan took the cork out of Connor's "ship in a bottle" and filled it full of water. "Because ships have to have water to float on, mommy". Connor will be so happy when he sees this thoughtful improvement his brother has made.

Devin and Lauren have been in Girl Scouts since the Daisy Scout phase, back in kindergarten. They've been with the same troop this whole time. As part of being a Girl Scout they are supposed to learn the Girl Scout pledge. Promise? Motto? Law? I can't remember what it is called. Anyway, the girls have struggled with this over the years, and not many of the girls in the troop have learned the pledge (motto/promise/law) yet. So last Thursday, the troop leader decided to have the girls make puppets. The girls would practice by making the puppets say the pledge. All of the girls made miniature Girl Scout puppets, many of them wearing ball gowns and elaborate jewelry. Devin's puppet is below.

Recognize that handsome fellow? That's Elvis. He ain't nothing but a brownie scout.....

Necessity is the mother of invention...

Dear Daughter:

Everyone loves the spirit of an inventor! This great country was founded by people unafraid to think outside of the box and boldly challenge the limits of science and nature. And, while I appreciate your creativity, quick thinking, and can-do-attitude, I have to insist that you stop using your hair as a cover while you pick your nose in public. Although you may not be able to see anyone through your hair-shield, I assure you, we can all see you. This includes the checker at the grocery store, the dentist, and the priest.

Love,

your mother

Collin has reached a new developmental milestone. He's learned how to set an alarm clock. Unfortunately, he hasn't quite developed a firm concept of what "2 o'clock in the morning" means.

Care and Compassion

Just like an episode of Leave it to Beaver, my kids love to climb trees. Just good old fashioned fun that never goes out of style. A few weeks ago, unfortunately, one of the children on our street fell out of a tree, and broke his arm. My kids, with their sense of friendship and true, nurturing spirits, made this child get well cards. Below is Lauren's attempt to cheer up her fallen friend.

I'm not sure which I like better- the frantically flailing arms, or the xs she used for eyes. I am sure it is only a matter of time before Hallmark comes calling for this original design!

Oh for crying out loud

Some days are just a fiasco, from start to finish. Why did I even get out of bed? I start to wonder. (Probably the 4 year old screaming "I NEED JUICE" had something to do with it.)

Anyway. Sunday night I decide to take the kids to King's Dominion on Monday. Right away both the older kids want to bring a friend. Okay. Fine. Sure. 8 kids, me, the big white (12 passenger) van, on a 98 degree day with 50% humidity.

So we head out, hopeful and excited. We get about 20 minutes into the trip and are stopped in traffic. Not. Moving. At. All. A road that normally takes me 26 minutes (I timed it on the way home) took me over 2 and a half hours. The car overheated. The air conditioner stopped working, and I almost ran out of gas.

We finally get there, and head right for the water park section of the theme park. I manage to get 8 kids into their swim suits, sun block on, situated under and umbrella, towels out, drinks bought, life vests on, and we head over to the wave pool. The water, it should be noted, was as warm as a bath tub. So refreshing! We'd been in for about 5 minutes when the sky clouded up. Then we heard a big boom of thunder. I'm hustling the kids out of the water when i see Declan take off running. The thunder has scared him and he is heading to the shelter about 50 feet away from us.

I tell my 2 daughters to chase after him, gather the rest of my belongings and children, and join the chase. He's gone. We can't find him anywhere. At this point the rain is falling in sheets. Icy cold, painful sheets of pouring rain. All of stuff- our towels, our extra clothes, phones, everything- is getting soaked. I find a security person and they start a search. We're all looking around trying to find him. After about 5 or 10 minutes they tell me that he was taken to lost and found when he ran past a security guard alone. Wonderful news! However, lost and found is far, far away from where we were. In the part of the park where you aren't allowed to have swim suits on. And I have 7 soaked, cold, miserable kids in tow. And one soaked, scared baby alone at lost in found.

So, I figured they could just yell at me later, and trekked off across the park in my swim suit. SOme of the kids pulled their wet stuff on over their suits, some didn't. We finally got there, found the little guy and got changed, etc etc, and went on with our day. Within 15 minutes of the rain stopping the temperature went back up to 93 degrees with the humidity worse than ever.

We decided to do rides that were not in the water park, and moved on to roller coasters. Some of the kids (Devin and Regan especially) were trying some new things- the friends we'd brought along were a bit braver, and interested in bigger rides. We head to the shock wave. And standup roller coaster, that involves a big hill, a loop and a cork screw. A big deal for first timers!

The little kids and I are waiting at the exit of the ride. I am thinking that it is taking a really long time for them to come out. Then I realize that no one has come out for a while. And that the ride has been silent. So we walk around. And yep, there they are. Stuck. 40 some feet in the air. So, there we wait. About 15 minutes for them to get the ride going again, and get my children off of the ride safely. And the whole time I am thinking- what happens if they get it started again, and it breaks again, while they are still on it? But it didn't, and everything was fine, once they finally got off. No one was even very upset about it, thank goodness.

I'm kind of thinking I might not go back to King's dominion this summer. Or ever.

You know, there are many moments, as a parent, that you know, right when they happen, you'll never forget them. Take last Tuesday, for example.

I took my 2 middle girls, my 2 youngest sons and one of their 4 year old buddies to a local place called "Jumpin' Jimmy's". This is one of those places filled with huge inflate-ables that the kids spend hours jumping around on, and getting all sweaty, and God willing, tired.

As the boys are playing I watch them talking with a very sweet, adorable little boy who is a bit younger than they are. All 4 boys decide that they are going to be friends and play together.

Oh, gentle reader, if only my story ended there.

I'm sitting in the area roped off for parents catching up on world news, via CNN (okay, I was reading a cheesy novel) when the little boy comes running over to his mom in tears, followed by my children and their friend. "What happened?" I ask a red-faced and sobbing Collin. "That boy hit me, and I punched him," he tells me.

At this point, his helpful older sibling interjects, "NO! NO! That's not what happened!"

"Well, what did happen?" I ask, with no small amount of fear.

"That boy", my daughter explains, pointing with a flair for the dramatic, "Accidentally stepped on Collin when he was trying to get out of the slide. Because he was in a hurry."

"In a hurry?"

"Yeah, on account of he was trying to get away from the spitting."

"What spitting?" I ask, my stomach beginning to hurt.

"Oh, Declan and Jake were spitting at him in the slide."

I turn to Declan. "WHY were you spitting at him?"

"Well," Declan explains, "we decided we didn't want to be his friend any more so we spitted on him."

"So, in a nutshell, an unsuspecting child starts to play with you, and you decide you don't want to play any more, so you spit on him. Then, when he is trying to get away from you, he accidentally steps on Collin - who is LAYING ON THE FLOOR under the slide, and Collin punches him?"

"Yes, that's right mom," Declan tells me as he starts to skip off happily to the slide.

And three days later, they STILL don't understand why I made them come home. Well, maybe they do understand, but I am still being called "Meanie".

Like I said. One of those parenting moments I'll never forget. I just WISH I could.